TEENS SPEAK PARENTS LISTEN HERE

 Question: What is Abuse?

Webster’s Dictionary meaning is as follows:

• “to use wrongly or improperly; misuse; to treat in a harmful, injurious or offensive way; to speak insultingly, harshly, or unjustly to or about; revile; malign; to deceive or mislead; harshly or coarsely insulting language; bad or improper treatment; maltreatment; a corrupt or improper practice or custom.”

Abuse is perpetrated verbally, physically and/or emotionally; and most, if not all human-beings have been victims of  or subjected to some type of abuse; and some, if not most human-beings have abusive in some capacity to another person or animal.  Any form of abuse is wrong, unacceptable, and destructive with the end result being deep-rooted emotional damage–damage that can last a life-time.

An abused individual sometimes become an abuser due to having been subjected to some form of abuse, particularly during their childhood.  Abused individuals sometimes gravitate towards and remain in abusive relationships because abuse has been such a predominant doctrine in their lives that they consider it to be normal.  There are also instances that individuals don’t know when they are being abused because of the abusive indoctrination and manifestation that has occurred over the span of their lives.

How do we know when we are being abused? 

Physical abuse is the most obvious of all forms of abuse–its affect is immediate. Verbal abuse is carried out with the use of cruels words and statements, causing intolerable emotional pain. Emotional abuse is caused via harsh treatment, cruel statements, and physical abuse–it is the end result of all forms of abuse. The “Limbic System” of our brains sets off responses/reactions such as anger, fear, extreme nervousness, confusion, hopelessness, and in some instances, a emotional breakdowns uncontrolable crying and/or a mental collapse. “Information going through the brain’s Limbic System is filed under  ’agreeable’  or  ’disagreeable’,” which causes reactions. There are those of us who instantly become physically ill. If you experience any of these emotional responses/reactions during or after a verbal attack, physical altercation, or emotional assault, you have in fact been abused.

How do we know when we are an abuser?

The answer is simple: When an individual inflicts upon another person any or several aspects of the meaning of abuse, that individual is in fact an abuser.

How do we break the cycle of abuse? 

If you are the abused, acknowledge you are being or have been abused; immediately vacate the abusive circumstances; seek counseling if necessary; and stay away from the abuser.  If you are the abuser, acknowledge the fact that you are an abuser, and seek counseling for assistance with identifying what triggers your abusive behavior.

Growing into a young adult can be challenging at times, as well as rewarding.  As we grow-up, we sense a need for independence, and during the process(es), we sometimes find it difficult to do what we are told to do because we have our own opinions about how, when, why, and where we want to conduct our lives.  While this stage of growth can cause much hostility between teens and parents, it can be navigated smoothly if all parties learn to effectively communicate without disrespect and ill-considerations.

Teens must understand that parents are generally pre-occupied with taking care of and maintaining the family structure, and often times they forget what it was like being a teen and the frustrations involved with the emergence of the desire for more permissions and freedom.  Due to parental responsibilities being so expansive, parents have a tendency to lose sight of the fact that their teens are experiencing the exact same stages of growth they experienced during their teen years.  They lose patience, often saying hurtful things or failing to observe or listen to their teens, who very well may be reaching out to them.  Parents also lose sight of the fact that as teens, we have not lived long enough to have recorded enough knowledge to act responsiblely or communicate logically –and this is where parents begin to go off track in effectively dealing with their teens.  In the fashion of being adults , they expect their children to be identical to them in terms of responsibility and immediately catch on after they issue first directives; and they expect us to remember exactly what is or isn’t expected of us minus any margins for error.

Gaining knowledge of the variables in parenting, will help teens achieve greater understanding of the errors parents sometimes make when it comes to communicating with their children.

As teens and parents, it should be our respective goal to establish and maintain a healthy line of communication in order to feel comfortable communicating during stressful moments.  We do not want to have the type of relationship that causes us to withdraw and not communicate with our parents, or turn to peer-oriented initiatives that run counter-productive to our parents’ teachings and expectations. So, when you see that the line of communication between you and your parent(s) is deteriorating, remember the above respective goal.

Sometimes teens drop out of high school for numerous reasons such as boredom/lack of interest; inability to comprehend educational courses; teen pregnancy; illness; lack of transportation; emotional stress; peer pressure; bullies, etc.

Education is a means to a rewarding life and it is imperative that you obtain a good education.  While we encourage all teens to obtain education in traditional school settings, we also want you to know about the following alternative options:

American School of Correspondence located 2200 E. 170th Street Lansing, Illinois 60438, allows you to study from home, working at your own pace. Phone (708) 418-2800;

General Equivalency Diploma (GED) glasses in your city’s community college;

Call Mr. Brian Pokorny of Job Corps at (773) 890-3153 after visiting the website http://jobcorps.dol.gov  sponsored by the U.S. Department of Labor.

Check your city’s community colleges for information about their respective General Equivalency Diploma (GED) programs.

The U.S. Department of Labor sponsors our nation’s Job Corps programs that offer free educational programs to obtain a General Equivalency Diploma, in addition to vocational skills training for individuals, including young mothers with children. The Job Corps offer funds for further education after graduating from the program, will find you a job, and will continued to provide educational and employment counseling for a prescribed amount of time.

For those individuals who don’t read very well or cannot read at all, and may be ashamed of their inability, the GED program or Job Corps program would be the best options for obtaining a high school diploma, as both programs test you to determine your grade-level capabilities then place you accordingly. If it is determine that your grade-level requires primary education to improve your reading and math skills, you will be placed accordingly.  In the Job Corps program individuals are allowed to function at their own [capability] pace, allowing you to learn at a prescribed level until you are academically prepared to move on to the next level.

The U.S. Department of Education provides grants and student loans for those who desire a college education. Visit their website and puruse their website at:

http://www.ed.gov/index.jhtml  

If you know someone who cannot read, motivate them to seek help and mentor them through initiating the process of registering into a selected program, or have them contact Saishe Brokesom at info@teensspeakparentslistenhere.com.

Michael Gray, who is a prominent CPA in San Jose, California, in concert with being a very wise man authored “Seven Habits” that serve as  magnificent blueprints on how to effectively manage yourself and be a role model.  http://www.profitadvisors.com/sevenhabitslist.shtml. If you wish to be a well-rounded, goal-oriented, high-achieving individual, we strongly urge  you to review “Seven Habits;” learn, implement, and live by them.  These habits will teach you how to communicate, build/sustain beneficial and lasting relationships, as well as develop leadership traits.

Whenever you run across someone who is searching for guidance, personal development, and/or a sense of understanding of how to go about putting one’s life into perspective and on a path of personal growth, please refer them to the above link.

The “Seven Habits” consist of:

1. Be Proactive, Personal Vision
2. Begin With The End In Mind - Personal Leadership
3. Put First Things First - Principles of Personal Management
4. Think Win-Win
5. Seek First to Understand
6. Synergize
7. Principles of Balanced Self-Renewal

Start today and be on your way to attaining satisfying personal management.

If you have suggestions for topics for blog posting, please email us a info@teensspeakparentslistenhere.com